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Who are the Old Farts?
Who are the Old Farts? Just about everyone who finds themselves in their senior years, but this saga pertains to Bern Farts and Sparky Farts, and their sons, Phil Farts and Frank Farts, who through video and song, both original and parody, will tell the tale of the wonderful experience of aging.
It’s no secret, life can be tough. And when you start life with a last name like Farts, life can even be tougher.
This intergenerational saga begins with two entertainers, brothers Bern Farts and Sparky Farts, who went on a quest to find gold at the end of the proverbial entertainment rainbow. The brothers Farts pursued music entertainment through both original bodies of work, along with the art of song parody.
During the production of one of their music videos, the obscure musical team advertised for a hot young woman to be the leading lady in one of their music videos.
Meet Fanny Flajj, a struggling actress who for decades never gave up on her dreams to become a star. Fanny submitted this photo in her audition packet for the Old Farts videocasting call. Now that’s a looker, but that isn’t Fanny.
Her deceitfulness having worked, Fanny got called to audition. She was beaming with confidence. After all, in her mind, she was the young hottie in the photo she submitted.
When Sparky and Bern Farts met Fanny Flajj, something surreal happened. Both Farts were smitten with the actress. As one would imagine with sibling rivalry, this shared infatuation created jealousy between the two brothers.
Over cocktails one evening, the brothers decided to express their affection for Fanny. Feeling somewhat the same about the brothers, and with dollar signs in Fanny’s eyes, a compromise resolved the situation. What was the compromise? The Brothers Farts would both sleep with her.
The compromise worked for many weeks until about two months later, when Fanny spilled the beans to Sparky and Bern that she was in the motherly way. Pregnant!
Considering the 'menage a trois', who was the father? Sparky or Bern? Could it be both? Both!?
Indeed, Sparky and Bern could both be fathers. How? Heteropaternal superfecundation.
What? Both Farts were farters…uh…fathers?!
The Old Farts were astonished that Fanny could even conceive. So now what?
After much deliberation, regardless of who the father was, the Old Farts decided they would hit the road, pursuing their dream, leaving Fanny to go it alone.
And on April 1, 1962, Fanny gave birth to two boys, who ironically, strongly resembled Sparky AND Bern. Bern begat Phil, and Sparky begat Frank.
In order for the two young boys to cash in on their father’s undoubted eventual fame and fortune, she gave them the distinguished last name of Farts. If the Old Farts were to ever rise to stardom, their two sons would be the beneficiaries.
So Fanny now had another two BIG decisions to make. How could a worn out, past her prime actress continue to pursue her dream of fame and fortune with two young mouths to feed? Well…there is always the orphanage.
After a very rough go at it in the orphanage, when Phil and Frank turned 18 years old, they went out to find their parents…and follow in their farter's…father’s footsteps pursuing music.
Many decades have passed since Phil and Frank left the orphanage, and like chips off the old blocks, success has eluded them. Have Sparky, Bern and Fanny passed on? Are any of them still alive? What is the likelihood they are still around considering Phil and Frank have become Old Farts themselves. I guess we’ll just have to watch and find out as Phil and Frank Farts journey down an Old Farts Life.